Category Archives: Abortion

God Is Not Dead, All Evidence to the Contrary Notwithstanding


Something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is the whole idea of man, a created being, killing off God, his Creator. The idea apparently originated with Friedrich Nietzsche in 1882 and is stated as follows:

God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. Yet his shadow still looms. How shall we comfort ourselves, the murderers of all murderers? What was holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet owned has bled to death under our knives: who will wipe this blood off us? What water is there for us to clean ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we have to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we ourselves not become gods simply to appear worthy of it?                               

       ~ Friedrich Nietzsche, The Gay Science, Section 125, The Madman

I find this whole concept to be incredibly odd and arrogant. The idea that God, who exists independently of all other beings and causes, and is completely self-sufficient and needs no one, could be killed by one of His creatures is absolutely ludicrous. And lest we forget, God truly does not need us. 

He is the God who made the world and everything in it. Since he is Lord of heaven and earth, he doesn’t live in man-made temples, and human hands can’t serve his needs—for he has no needs. He himself gives life and breath to everything, and he satisfies every need. ~ Acts 17:24-25, NLT.


…for ‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, ‘For we are indeed his offspring.’ Being then God’s offspring, we ought not to think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone, an image formed by the art and imagination of man. ~ Acts 17: 28-29, ESV.

God is the uncaused first cause who was not created Himself, but who created everything else. He doesn’t need people because He’s existed from all eternity with the other two members of the Trinity, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit, so He doesn’t need companionship. He’s a Spirit so He doesn’t need food to eat, water to drink, or air to breathe, all things that limited and finite humans need, and God doesn’t need them because He’s limitless and infinite.

I wonder if what the God-is-dead-ers are killing is not God, Yahweh, Maker of Heaven and Earth, Ancient of Days, Master of the Universe, and First Person of the Trinity, because it’s not possible to do that. I wonder if instead they’re rejecting the fact that God does exist, or maybe their ideal of who God is, or the concept of God in their minds, so that to them He’s dead, but He’s not really dead.

What I find especially interesting about this is that Nietzsche came up with this idea in 1882, and in 1889 he went insane and remained that way until his death in 1900, about eleven years. The cause of his mental illness is unknown, though there was some initial speculation that he had syphilis, and later it was decided that his symptoms were a better match with the symptoms of brain cancer.

When I was a child I had a great-uncle who started out as a missionary, and after he came back from the mission field he wrote a book called Other Christs. After he wrote that book he got brain cancer and died. I’ve often wondered if there was a connection between that book and his cancer in terms of God’s judgment, and I wonder the same thing about Nietzsche’s insanity/brain cancer and his declaration that God was dead. He was a very well known philosopher who influenced millions of people for generations with that one idea, and that concept is still influencing generations of people.

I think it’s incredibly sad that just by deciding that God was dead, he lost his mind. That a seemingly simple decision should have such a drastic and life-changing effect is mind-boggling to me, but obviously it wasn’t a simple decision at all.

It seems to me that any decision one makes with regard to God, to either accept or reject Him, is probably the most important decision of one’s life. The decision you make with regard to God will mean the difference in your eternal destiny: whether it’s spent in Heaven or in Hell, plus a relationship you might have with Him now. It says in the Book of John that eternal life isn’t just about where you’ll spend the future, but it’s also about knowing God now,

And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent. ~ John 17:3, NKJV.

I find this to be wonderfully exciting. It speaks of an intimacy with God that we can have before we get to Heaven simply by trusting Christ as our Lord and Savior, not to mention getting to spend eternity in Heaven, which is probably beautiful beyond anything we could ever imagine ~ all of which says that God is anything but dead!

Thank you, Jesus!!

Confronting Evil By Talking About It


When I was a teenager I was forced into having two abortions by the cult in which I was being abused. Well, first they raped me to get me pregnant, and then they aborted the babies that were the product of the two rapes.

The first one happened when I was about thirteen, and the pregnancy was terminated in an abortion at about three months, before the baby was viable outside the womb. It was a boy, whom I named David Adam Christopher.

The second one, when I was about fifteen, was terminated somewhere between four and five months, at a point when they knew the baby would be viable long enough for me to be able to bond with her before she was murdered. And yes, it was a girl. I named her Emily Margaret Rose. For both babies I tried to pick the most beautiful names I could think of, names that were not only beautiful, but were also at least partly biblical with good meanings.

In the abortion that killed David Adam Christopher, I have a very clear picture in my mind of a machine that I’m assuming was an abortion machine. It was a large blue rectangular box with a clear plastic dome on top, and as they were sucking the baby from my body I can see his tiny body parts mixed with blood swirling in the dome as the machine was running.

With Emily Margaret Rose it was even worse. I was the one who had to kill her, though in reality it was murder. I had no choice; they forced me.

After she was born they made me hold her, and they forced me to nurse her. At the time I didn’t understand exactly what they had planned, and I didn’t know why they made me bond with her, but I was glad for it. Then they took her away and put her on a table, which turned out to be an altar. She was naked, and they made me take off my clothes as well, something I always hated doing.

Then they made me go to the altar and they put a dagger in my hand. The dagger had a special kind of double-edged blade that had a thick electrical cable coming out of the handle. The cable was hooked up to a machine that generated electrical current, and as long as the machine was on, current flowed into the knife. As long as current was flowing I couldn’t let go of it because my muscles couldn’t stop contracting. The only way they would allow me to drop the dagger was if I stabbed Emily until she was dead. I had no choice. Not physically, nor emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.

I can see very clearly in my mind’s eye the images of having to do this to my beautiful baby girl. And I can distinctly hear her shrieks of agony as I plunged the dagger into her tiny body.

I take great comfort in Psalm 139:8 when I contemplate this horrific memory, because I believe what it says, that I was not alone in that Hell-on-earth, that God didn’t abandon me even there,

“If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.” ~ Psalm 139:8, NKJV.

I also believe I will one day meet both my beautiful babies when I get to Heaven. I hope they can forgive me for what I was forced to do to them. I’ve often felt that I should have been willing to die myself rather than allow them to be aborted and murdered like that, though if I had died I wouldn’t have saved them from anything. They were created by the cult for abuse, and they would have been sacrificed before very long, as appalling and unspeakable as that is.

I feel so many things as I relive this event. I don’t go back to it very often, and  I didn’t expect to do so today, but it came out as I was talking to McT about other things in therapy. And once I start talking about it, it doesn’t take much to take me right back to that scene again.

I don’t know if that means I haven’t truly put it behind me or what. I’ve repented to God over and over again, and asked His forgiveness for every aspect of it, but it’s just such a horrific thing, it feels like I can never repent enough, even though I know that Christ’s work on the Cross was completely sufficient to cover even this awful sin. I know, at least in my mind, that I had no control over what happened, that I was forced into it, but I’m not sure if I know that deep down inside.

I say that because whenever I think of it my feelings get all jumbled up and chaotic inside. They kind of flit and fly all over the place and I have a hard time catching them so I can look at them. It’s like they’re trying to escape detection so I don’t have to deal with the underlying issues.

The problem is, I want to deal with those issues. I need to deal with them.

I do feel a great deal of guilt and shame about what happened, and I also feel a huge amount of sorrow, grief, and distress about it ~ sorrow and grief at what might have been for those two babies had they survived and escaped the cult, and distress at what I put them through in the process of aborting (David), and killing them (Emily).

Of course there’s absolutely no guarantee that they would have been able to escape. Given that they were created by the cult for child sacrifice ~ the reason they raped me in the first place was to get me pregnant so they could use the baby that was the product of each rape in rituals, with the ultimate goal of sacrificing the baby’s life ~ something expressly forbidden by God in the Bible,

They have built high places to Baal on which to burn their children in the fire as burnt offerings to Baal, something I have never commanded or mentioned; I never entertained the thought. ~ Jeremiah 19:5, CSB.

They have built the high places of Baal in Ben Hinnom Valley to sacrifice their sons and daughters in the fire to Molech ​— ​something I had not commanded them. I had never entertained the thought that they do this detestable act causing Judah to sin! ~ Jeremiah 32:35, CSB.

What the Christian Standard Bible (aka CSB) calls a detestable act the King James Version calls an abomination, which the dictionary defines as an atrocity, a horror, an obscenity, an evil, a crime, an outrage, and a monstrosity. In Hebrew this word means a morally disgusting thing, ethically wicked, and an abhorrence.

It’s good to know that God finds what happened to my two babies as morally repugnant as I do. I just wish I hadn’t been forced to participate in it.

I guess what I’m getting at with all of this is that, even though I’ve made a lot of progress, it’s obvious that I still have a whole lot of work to do. Thankfully, God is able and He’s still on the throne of my life. He’s been doing miracles in my life from the beginning on, and I don’t expect He’ll stop now.

I thank God for that!!