Category Archives: Getting Old Is Hard

God Knows I’m Suffering?

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8Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~ 1 Peter 5:8-10, ESV.

Over the summer my right knee started acting up, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. After my friend came to stay with me in the middle of October, my knee was still causing a small amount of pain, but I could still walk on it, and it was barely noticeable. On the ten-point pain scale the doctor gives you it would have been about a two or a three.

In the last month or so the pain in my knee has exploded. It’s now at a twelve or even a fifteen on a scale of one to ten, and I can’t walk on it or put any weight on it. My friend, Linda (name changed to protect her privacy) is having to wait on me hand and foot, something I hate. I’m far too independent to want anyone waiting on me like that, but I can’t do anything for myself because I have to use crutches to get around.

Linda is cooking for me and bringing me my medications when I need them. She’s also making sure the cats get fed, and keeping the kitchen cleaned up, something I didn’t do much of when I was alone. I let my housekeeper take care of that, and she comes once every two weeks. Linda is also driving me to doctor’s appointments and to church.

Linda being with me during this time has been a true life-saver, and I’m extremely grateful to her and to God. I simply could not have survived on my own. I would have ended up in some kind of facility, which would have been exponentially worse.

On another note, the doctor did x-rays two weeks ago today, but they revealed nothing. So an MRI was done a week ago last Monday, and I’m waiting for the results on that as I’m writing this.

All of the above was written in November and December, and it is now one week into the New Year. I’m still on crutches, and still in pain, and tomorrow (Monday, January 8th) I will finally get the results for the MRI that was done about three weeks ago. I don’t know what it will show, but I certainly hope it shows something to explain all this pain in my right knee.

It turns out that the pain is caused by a tear in the lateral meniscus, and the doctor says the way to fix it is an arthroscopic procedure, which they will do on January 25th. So between now and then there will be a flurry of activity: doctor’s appointments to clear me for the procedure, lab tests and ekgs, and a doctor’s appointment with the surgeon to explain the operation and answer my questions.

I guess the reason I’m talking about my knee and all the pain it’s causing me is because in all that’s gone on God has never abandoned me. He’s always been faithfully with me, and been there to help me. Everytime I go up or down the stairs leading to my apartment I pray for His help, because I have to use crutches, and I always have this feeling that I’m going to lose my balance. He’s always there to help me and keep me from falling.

God is SOOO GOOD!!

I can hear people saying, “If God was really there with you, He would have kept this from happening in the first place!”

The Christian life doesn’t work that way. God never promised us a rose garden, but He did promise to walk with us through every circumstance regardless of the difficulty of the situation. Plus, in this fallen world, the human body wears out over time (I’m 70 years old), and that’s what’s happening to me, though I firmly believe that God can heal me.

1But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. 2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.” ~ Isaiah 43:1-2, NKJV.

The story of my life will bear witness to the truth of that passage. And if you read the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Book of Daniel (see Daniel 3), you’ll find that God walked with them when they were thrown into the fiery furnace, and kept them safe and unharmed because they were faithful to stand for Him regardless of what it meant for them.

15I will give you one more chance to bow down and worship the statue I have made when you hear the sound of the musical instruments. But if you refuse, you will be thrown immediately into the blazing furnace. And then what god will be able to rescue you from my power?” 16Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. 17If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” ~ Daniel 3:15-18, NLT.

24Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished; and he rose in haste and spoke, saying to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” 25“Look!” he answered, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.” ~ Daniel 3:24-25, NKJV.

So the upshot of it all is that, yes, God knows I’m suffering. He knows and He cares. He’s walking with me through it, and helping me every step of the way. He keeps me upright when I’m walking on crutches, and He’s as close as my next breath. He helps me fall asleep at night, especially when my cats are running around fighting with each other and doing zoomies up and down the stairs. As well, He helps me sleep when the pain in my knee is unremitting and so bad that I can’t find a comfortable position, but when I wake up the next morning it’s gotten better.

I feel immense gratitude to God for His presence with me as I walk through this time in my life. I couldn’t do it without Him! And of course, as ever, I’m so grateful for the Cross of Christ. I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for that!

THANK YOU, JESUS!!

Old Age Isn’t for the Old

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As I get older, I’ve decided that I don’t like the process of getting old. I don’t imagine anyone really does, not that there’s anything we can do about it, but for me it’s a new and different experience. I would rather just be young, and then be old, and then be in Heaven with Jesus.

The process of going from one stage to the next kind of sucks. My joints ache and my equilibrium is off most of the time, so that when I stand up I have to wait until I’m sure I won’t fall over. I’ve never had that problem before, so I feel frustrated about having to wait. It’s not dizziness, but rather more like vertigo, and it’s completely new over the last few months. I always thought I was a patient person, but I guess I’m not, because I get irritated when I can’t just get up and go.

It’s probably a good lesson to learn, however, because it means I have to think before I leap, which is never a bad thing to do. It means I’ll have to listen for God’s leading before running off and doing anything, something I always want and need to do. I never want to be without the leading of the Holy Spirit.

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. ~ John 14:26, NIV.

Jesus said that to His disciples about the Holy Spirit, and I love that different translations transcribe the Greek word paraklētos in ways that describe the Holy Spirit’s job. To wit, advocate (NIV, NLT), comforter (KJV, American Standard Version), helper (NKJV, NASB), counselor (Hebrew Names Version, RSV, Christian Standard Bible). Advocate, comforter, helper, and counselor are all roles that the Holy Spirit fills as He is surety and guarantor with us for Christ after He ascended to Heaven to sit at the right hand of the Father.

So then, after the Lord had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven, and sat down at the right hand of God. ~ Mark 16:19, NKJV.

49“Behold, I send the Promise of My Father upon you; but tarry in the city of Jerusalem until you are endued with power from on high.” 50And He led them out as far as Bethany, and He lifted up His hands and blessed them. 51Now it came to pass, while He blessed them, that He was parted from them and carried up into heaven. ~Luke 24:49-51, NKJV.

The Outline of Biblical Usage on the Blue Letter Bible website says that paraklētos can be translated in the following way: comforter, consoler, advocate, one who pleads another’s cause before a judge, a pleader, counsel for defense, legal assistant, an advocate, an intercessor, called to one’s side, called to one’s aid. In the widest sense, Holy Spirit was supposed to take the place of Christ with the apostles, to lead them to a deeper knowledge of the gospel truth, and give them divine strength to enable them to undergo trials and persecutions on behalf of the divine kingdom.

I think it almost goes without saying that what goes for the apostles also goes for us. Jesus prayed later in the Book of John,

“I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me through their message.” ~ John 17:20, NLT.

So the Holy Spirit’s roles are just as applicable for us as they were for the apostles. I’m so glad for that, because I need Him every second of every hour of every day, and I’ve heard it said that Holy Spirit is a gentleman, so He’s not going to help you if you don’t want Him to.

Well, I WANT Him to!! Not only that, but I NEED Him to!!

So now that I have to move more slowly than I used to? Well, it’s kind of a hassle. I’m just not used to it. All my life I’ve been able to move about and do everything quickly and easily, without having to think about what I’m doing before I do it. Even when I was multiple I didn’t have to think about the process of doing things, at least what I was aware of, that is.

I think I’ll just have to be grateful that I’m alive and still able to worship God and be thankful for my salvation, because I can definitely do that. I don’t have to think about that at all. Jesus is still alive and on the throne of my life, regardless of how wobbly I am.

I thank God for the Holy Spirit!! I’m so grateful for the Cross of Christ!!

THANK YOU JESUS!!