So, I’m doing it. Starting my new blog, that is. Finally! After Google shut down the old one I couldn’t figure out what to do for a long time, and finally I decided I couldn’t just not write, nor could I allow my posts from the Google blog to just disappear. So I determined to copy/paste the posts from that blog onto a Pages document so I’d have a record of everything I said, and then I’d find a place to start another blog. And SOOO, here I am on wordpress.com!
The purpose of this blog is to keep a written record as I recover from my childhood. I come from a background of extreme child abuse. My biological father was an angry, evil, and abusive man who made me the scapegoat of his rage. In addition, my mother was afraid of my father and abusive as well, though not as violently as my father was.
As awful and horrifying as my childhood was I’ve been able to forgive both my parents with God’s help. I couldn’t have done it without His help~I couldn’t have survived any of it without His help, but that’s neither here nor there, at least for now.
I’ve often had people tell me that I should write my somewhat remarkable story. Well, maybe this blog is a way of doing that, mostly because I’m not sure I have the emotional wherewithal to go through the process of writing a book and getting it published. Maybe that can come later and I can use these blog posts as fodder for that process, though at age 62 I’m not sure I want to put myself through all that. I’ll have to wait and see…
Well, I believe I’m done with this… It feels done anyway, this first post. Certainly there will be others, lots of them. I don’t know yet how often I’ll post. On the old blog it went in fits and starts, mostly fits. I’d start a post and then let it slide for months unfinished, or I’d post three or four right in a row and then go for six or eight months without a word. I’m hoping I can do better here. I think I’m a better frame of mind now, plus I’m more eager to put my thoughts out there~and maybe even let other people read them this time. No one ever read the old blog. No one, at least not that I was aware of. Well, maybe one person, but she was a Muslim who was out trolling for someone to convert to Islam, so that probably doesn’t count.
I think I was too afraid of people’s criticism and rejection to let anyone read what I was writing, both in terms of the spiritual content and in terms of what I was writing about my emotional life. But I’m more confident of my writing now, plus I’m more confident of what I have to say~in a number of different arenas. Yes, I’m branching out! I’m taking an apologetics course and it’s giving me courage and boldness to speak out about what I believe. In addition, I’m finding as God heals my mind that I’m able to think more logically than I ever thought possible. It’s the strangest feeling sometimes. I’ll be reading something and all of a sudden I’ll realize that it’s something I was never able to understand before and now I’m understanding it perfectly. Then I’ll start to giggle as I’m praising and thanking God for His mercy and grace in healing me.
So, now I really am done. Hehe…