A Furry Loneliness


I miss Lily. I can’t even describe how much I miss her. My apartment is as silent as a tomb, even with the TV on. I’ve never felt lonely before. I’ve never minded being alone before. But now that Lily is gone, all of a sudden I’m experiencing loneliness. For the first time in my entire life I know what it is to feel lonely, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all. It feels like there’s a cat-shaped hole inside me that wasn’t there before.

I’ve heard it said that there’s a God-shaped hole inside every person, and the only way to fill it is to get saved. God filled that hole in me back in February of 1972 because that’s when I got saved. So while the God-sized hole has been filled and will remain so, the cat-shaped hole is suddenly empty, achingly so.

I never thought there was such a hole in my heart. I only knew about the God-shaped hole, and that’s the only one I ever worried about, because it’s the only one of any real importance. Knowing about ~ and filling ~ this cat-hole I’ve discovered won’t really do anything except make me feel better. A filled cat-hole won’t get me into Heaven, and it won’t bring me a relationship with God. Only Jesus Christ in my life will do that, and that’s the way I want it. Jesus is everything to me. Lily was a gift from God in the first place, so maybe that cat-shaped hole was placed in me by God, I don’t know. Maybe a cat in my life will be the way that God alleviates loneliness in me, in addition to relationship with Him.

Since the COVID-19 pandemic started last year I’ve spent my time during quarantine playing with Lily before she got sick, watching TV, playing June’s Journey (my computer game), and working on a counted cross stitch sampler.

That cross stitch sampler is a whole story all by itself. Especially since Lily died it’s provided a way of distracting me from the pain and grief of losing her so that I’m able to focus on something else. I love working on it. I enjoy planning what colors I’m going to stitch where. And aside from all other considerations I just love color. I love being surrounded by color. Color feeds my soul. I love that God created humans with the ability to see in color, and then He gave us such a beautiful and colorful world to look at. That’s one of the things that tells me He’s a good God. Way back in March of 2020 I wrote a post on beauty that’s one of my favorite posts ever, called When Faith Becomes Sight. It’s got lots of pictures in it, and I had a great time writing it.

I’ve been meandering around as I’m writing this. I started writing it well over a month ago, and then I just stopped writing altogether. Then someone new started following me earlier this afternoon, so I decided I should start writing again so my new follower ~ as well as everyone else ~ would have something to read. I am supposed to be a blogger afterall, so I should blog, seems to me.

And here’s a picture of my most recent WIP (work-in-progress) of my sampler:

I still have a whole lot of work to do. I’m working on the bottom right corner of the sampler, but I’m thoroughly enjoying myself. I hope you like what you see here!

About sarahjesusnlily

My name is Sarah Abigail Kuriakos. I come from a background of extreme child abuse, and it almost destroyed my life. My mother tried to kill me while I was an infant, my father threatened to kill me if I told anyone what he was doing to me, and I tried suicide nine times as an adult. Fortunately, God had other plans, and none of the attempts on my life succeeded. The purpose of this blog is to chronicle the progress I'm making as God heals me from my childhood, while making sure that God is glorified in the process. I'm a voracious reader, and I enjoy crocheting, doing counted cross stitch, and creating art. I also enjoy playing with my cat Lily, listening to Christian music, and watching movies. My favorite books are, first and foremost, The Holy Bible, then Jane Eyre, David Copperfield, The Count of Monte Cristo, and To Kill a Mockingbird. I also love Christian apologetics. The most important thing in my life is knowing and serving Jesus Christ, and telling people about His great love for them. People need to know that God loves them!

6 responses »

  1. Sarah wanted you to know,I did reply to blog, it just got lost in netherlands of wordpress. I still try again when I get home, heading to the airport in a few, and the iPad is a bad place to try and fix it

    Sent from my iPad


    • Thanks, Kim! I love it. The netherlands of WordPress. And I think you’re right. The iPad is a bad place to fix anything written. I hate writing on my iPad. I have to take my laptop in to have it worked on (the battery needs to be replaced), and I’ve been avoiding it like the plague, because I know I’ll have to do everything on my iPad, and I’m dreading the thought of that, especially the blogging part.

      I hope you have a good trip, wherever you’re going! I love you a lot. And Happy Birthday tomorrow!!

      I’ll look forward to any further comments you might want to post!


    • Thanks, Kim! I’m not worried about being ignored, at least as far as you’re concerned. You’ve always been so faithful about responding to my posts, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that.

      I hope you have an amazing and wonderful birthday tomorrow!

      Love you!!


  2. Hiya Sarah, how are you doing? Nice to read your blog, and your embroidery is perfect! Where about do u live? I live in France South of Poitiers with my husband? Sorry to hear abt ur cat, we have 5 pet rabbits…here is my email address Dom.abram@gmail.com..blessings and love xx


  3. Hi Nicky:
    Thanks for your lovely and kind comments! It blesses me that you would think of me, and that you would give me your email address. Mine is sarahsbiblenlily@icloud.com.

    I live in southern California, United States. I’ve lived there all my life, except for a few years where I lived in Wisconsin (1961-65) and Oklahoma (1980s?) for school. I love that you live in France. That is so cool! I’ve never been outside the United States, except for a couple of short trips to Baja California and Canada many years ago. I would love to go to Europe, and especially to France. I’d love to go to the Louvre, though I’m sure it would take several days to go through it.

    I did a little reading about Poitiers. It sounds like a fascinating place.

    The only pets I’ve ever had are cats, with a couple of dogs when I was a child. Lily has been the hardest to lose, but she was such an amazing gift from God, that I wouldn’t trade her for anything. I’m slowly getting better, and missing her less and less. I suppose I’ll always miss her some, because she was so much fun to have around, and I am considering getting another cat at some point. I love that you have five (wow, five!!) pet rabbits. That’s very cool.

    I’ll send you an email with a more detailed answer, though it may take me a few days to write it.


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