Monthly Archives: July 2024

Jul27

The Kindness and Goodness of God

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It’s become clear to me in just the last 24 hours that God is good, and He is kind. I’ve been aware of His goodness for a while, but I’ve all of a sudden become clear that He’s also kind. The dictionary definition of kindness is the quality of being friendly, generous, considerate, and affectionate or loving.

And yet, as I’m writing about this, I’m having to run to the bathroom because I’m having another bout of diarrhea, probably the fourth one today. Now, I’m sure that all of you are eternally tired of hearing about my trials and tribulations with “the runs”, but if you’re tired of hearing about it, just think about how exhausted I am from suffering with it. I don’t want to sound like I’m just griping and complaining or anything like that, but I’ve got two pressure sores on my rear end that really hurt and I’m having a hard time finding a comfortable position so I can type, and that’s not the half of it.

I really hope that people won’t give up and stop reading my blog because all my posts of late have been so negative. I don’t want to lose followers because of the way my life is going. I’m hoping and expecting things to get better. They certainly can’t get much worse!

I guess what I’m getting at is that the kindness and goodness of God feel like nothing more than concepts to me at the moment, and I really need to know that those attributes of God are right down there with me in the nitty gritty, or more to the point, where my pressure sores are being sat on and causing me the most pain right now. Maybe that’s where my faith is supposed to come in, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll see what the Bible has to say…

11Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD; Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me. 12For innumerable evils have surrounded me; My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up; They are more than the hairs of my head; Therefore my heart fails me. 13Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me; O LORD, make haste to help me! ~ Psalm 40:11-13, NKJV.

That kind of sounds like the Psalmist is right down where my nitty gritty is, and that psalm is part of Scripture, which means that God wanted it there.

16All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. ~ 2 Timothy 3:16-17, ESV.

So maybe God’s goodness and kindness really are right down where I need them to be. I’ve been crying off and on all day long, in between running to the bathroom, and I’m not even sure why, but I can’t seem to stop. It’s kind of silly really, because things are beginning to look up. I have an appointment with a GI specialist tomorrow morning, something I’ve been waiting for months to get, and I actually made it to church Wednesday night ~ also something I’ve been wanting. So what’s my problem? You’d think I’d be happy, but for some reason I’m not. Well, I sort of am, and I’m sort of not. I mean, something is making me cry.

I do know that, even though they only feel like concepts, I’m not going to change my mind on them. Maybe that’s all they feel like now, but if I keep on pursuing the concept, maybe it’ll become something more. Maybe it’ll become real to me, so that they really will be where my nitty gritty needs them to be, because that’s what I want and need, and it seems to me that’s what God would want as well. That’s what a true relationship with Him would be like, and that’s my heart’s desire.

1O God, You are my God; Early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. 2So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory. 3Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. 4Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name. ~ Psalm 63:1-4, NKJV.

After sleeping for a few hours I feel better, thank God. I felt strong enough this morning to take out the trash, something I haven’t been able to do in several days because I’ve been too sick. So now I get to clean out the litterbox.

Oh joy…

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13, NKJV.

Jul25

Silence Is NOT Golden

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There’s an old proverb that says “Speech is silver and silence is golden,” which is thought to have originated way back in ancient Egypt.

There’s another old saying that says, “It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” It’s usually attributed either to Abraham Lincoln or Mark Twain. In addition, there’s a saying in the Book of Proverbs that sounds very similar,

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. ~ Proverb 17:28, ESV.

Well, I’m here to tell you that silence isn’t always golden. There are times when it’s absolute hell. When you’ve prayed and are waiting for an answer, especially if it’s a prayer for finances or healing, you really hope you’ll get an answer right away, and if you don’t, waiting is the hardest thing you have to do. There are times when you’re desperate to hear from God because (for example) you’re about to lose your house, or you’re dying of cancer, so you really NEED the answer you’ve been praying for. Those are the times when silence is definitely NOT golden. Those are the times when you need to draw on what you know about God from His Word.

Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” ~ [Deuteronomy 31:6,8] Hebrews 13:5, NKJV.

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10, NLT.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ~ Romans 8:28, NKJV.

11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13, NKJV.

God is not a man, that he should lie, Neither the son of man, that he should repent: Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not make it good? ~ Numbers 23:19, Hebrew Names Version.

If I don’t know anything else, I know I can trust God’s Word. God’s Word says God can’t lie and that He always keeps His promises (Numbers 23:19). Isaiah 55:8-11 says the same thing in a different way.

8“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 9For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. 10“The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. 11It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” Isaiah 55:8-11, NLT.

When I’m struggling to trust that God is aware of what I’m dealing with right now, it helps me to know that He’s always with me and that He’ll never leave me nor forsake me, as the above verses state. In addition, there were people in the Bible who had to deal with God’s silence, and while I wouldn’t even think of comparing myself with anyone in the Bible (for example, Job ~ he had to deal with God’s silence for nine months, and I’m complaining about four! Silly me!)

I’ve come to the realization that what may be going on throughout this whole time with all the diarrhea and everything is that the devil is trying to convince me that God is not good, thus putting the lie to my post on November 27th of last year, I Will Never Doubt the Goodness of God (With God’s Help). The other day, as I was in the bathroom having one of my many bouts of diarrhea, and watching the ants that were inundating my bathroom and the rest of my apartment, and feeling discouraged and helpless and hopeless, because it felt like everything, EVERYTHING, is out of my control, all of a sudden I had a lightbulb moment.

It dawned on me that the devil would just love for me to say that God isn’t good, but I can’t do that. I can never say God is not good, because, for one thing, He is good, and His Word says He is, and His Word doesn’t lie. And for another, I know He’s good. I know with every fiber of my being that He’s good, and if I ever tried to say otherwise, I’d be lying, and I cannot tell a lie.

I made a vow to God when I was in the fifth grade that I would never tell another lie (after a whole childhood of lying because my father told me he’d kill me if I ever told the truth about what he was doing to me). I made that vow because I got caught in a lie by a policeman, and it so frightened me that I told God I’d never tell another one. I wasn’t a Christian yet, but I’ve kept that promise to this day, some sixty years later, though there have been a couple of slip-ups. I immediately made them right once I realized I’d blown it, because I didn’t want to disappoint God. Plus, somewhere in there I’d become a Christian.

Something else that may be going on is that the diarrhea that has plagued me all these months has kept me from going to church. I haven’t been able to go in about four months, because that’s almost as long as the diarrhea has lasted (almost five months), and I’ve decided that I don’t want it to be like that any longer. I like going to church, and the Bible says in the Book of Hebrews,

24Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. 25And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. ~ Hebrews 10:24-25, NLT.

And I’ve begun to notice that everytime I make a decision to go to church, I have an attack of diarrhea bad enough to keep me from going. That tells me that the devil doesn’t want me to go.

Harrumph! I don’t want to let the devil win! I wish I’d figured out that sooner! I could have gone back to church a whole lot sooner! Well, I went last night (Wednesday night Bible study), and I was very glad I did, even though, physically, I felt awful. And the worship was wonderful, and so was the sermon. After it was over I went up and got prayed for and anointed with oil according to James 5,

14Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. 15And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. ~ James 5:14-15, NKJV.

This post has evolved from God’s silence during difficult situations, to the diarrhea that’s been plaguing me ~ which is the most difficult situation I’ve had to deal with in a very long time. I haven’t published in over a month, but the reason for that is because I’ve been very ill. Fortunately, though, things are looking up. I finally have an appointment with a GI specialist this coming Saturday. I pray she’ll be able to give me some wisdom on what’s causing the diarrhea, as well as some solutions.

I’ve had the feeling at times with all of this that I’m dying, because I’ve felt so truly awful, and while going home to be with Jesus would be the very best of all possible realities, I really don’t think it’s my time yet. I still have things to do for the Lord!

So I’ll leave you with this:

24Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy, 25To God our Savior, Who alone is wise, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and forever. Amen. ~ Jude 1:24-25, NKJV.