Probably my favorite thing about God is His mysteriousness. There are so many things about Him that are incomprehensible. I think God is so multifaceted and complex that we’ll never come to the end of who He is. We’ll never fully understand everything about Him ~ but that’s the cool thing, and is just one facet of His mysteriousness. We could study God for the rest of eternity and not come to the end of who He is, or learn everything there is to know about Him.

Here’s an imponderable,

When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. ~ John 14:20, NLT.

How is it possible for me to be in Jesus at the same time He’s in me? It sounds like a box in a box in a box, except you’d have to keep switching the Jesus-box with the me-box, putting me in the Jesus-box, and then putting the Jesus-box in the me-box, back and forth, again and again, over and over. It kind of boggles my mind and makes me dizzy all at once. I realize that I’m thinking about it on a physical plane when I should be thinking of it on a spiritual plane, but I haven’t taken it that far yet.

The Holy Spirit suggested an imponderable from the Book of Proverbs, though I’m sure it’s more mysterious and unfathomable for people than it is for God (because nothing is unknowable to God, of course).

There are three things too wonderful for me to understand—no, four! How an eagle glides through the sky. How a serpent crawls upon a rock. How a ship finds its way across the heaving ocean. The growth of love between a man and a girl. ~ Proverbs 30:18-19, The Living Bible.

I like the way that version words this passage, but there’s another translation that makes it very clear that there’s a relationship between the four examples,

There are three things which are hidden from me, yea, four which I know not: the track of the eagle in the air; the track of the serpent upon the rock; the track of the ship in the midst of the sea; and the track of the man in the maid. ~ Proverbs 30:18-19, Jubilee Bible.

I find it interesting that even Solomon had things he found to be bewildering and incomprehensible, and he was supposed to be the wisest man who ever lived, except for Jesus Christ, of course.

And then there’s the unfathomable and imponderable mystery of my own existence. Why was I born, if only to be abused within an inch of my life? I’ve spent many years trying to understand this, seeking God, asking why, asking why me, and just generally demanding answers from God. And as I nagged and clamored louder and louder, I got angrier and more indignant ~ to the point of raging and breaking windows ~ because I wasn’t getting the answers I thought God should’ve been giving me, answers I deserved, because, after all, I had a right to know!

And then something happened that changed everything. I was listening to James Dobson on Focus On the Family, and he said something that startled me, and made me realize that I didn’t understand God at all. He said, “We don’t have the right to hold God accountable.”

I’ve never forgotten that statement, because it revolutionized my thinking, and completely altered my understanding of God and who He is. What I understood Dr. Dobson to mean is that I don’t have the right to challenge God’s sovereignty, which was what I was doing by demanding answers from Him, and demanding that He explain Himself to me.

Woe to the man who fights with his Creator. Does the pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with him who forms it, saying, “Stop, you’re doing it wrong!” or the pot exclaim, “How clumsy can you be!”? ~ Isaiah 45:9, TLB (The Living Bible).

As I write that now I cringe at the thought of my arrogance and pride back then, and I’m very grateful for God’s mercy and grace, because I think He must have understood how much pain I was in, and how ignorant I was.

So once I realized that I had been going about my questions in the wrong way, I changed the tenor of my inquiries. Instead of asking why questions, I started asking who, what, when, and where questions. And then I recognized that what I’d wanted to know all along was where God was when I was being abused. And once I started asking these questions, I got answers almost immediately.

And what answers they were! They were life-altering for me, and they showed me that God had been in my life, saving my life, from the very beginning. He had been intervening, keeping me alive, and helping me everytime there was a need, which was all the time!!

It turns out that it was God who gave me the gift of multiplicity. Everytime there was an incident of abuse that was serious enough to require the creation of a new alter, God was there. He placed His finger on my mind ~ my personality ~ in the exact place where He wanted the new alter to be split off, and that’s where the split happened. And then He would tell everyone what to name that alter.

God is AMAZING!! I love Him so!!

Knowing that God had been there the whole time, saving my life, and that He had been behind the multiplicity made what I had suffered easier to accept. I still don’t understand why it had to happen, though I’m fairly certain that part of the reason has something to do with the fact that God can’t go against Harry’s free will. I can understand and accept that. I wouldn’t want God to go against my free will, so why should it be any different for anyone else, including Harry, even at the risk of my life. As long as I know that God was working to protect me as much as He could, I can deal with that. Plus, I get to have a relationship with Him, which is better and more important than anything else than I can possibly imagine.

I’ll get to spend eternity in Heaven learning about Him, and getting to know Him and all His mysteriousness! I can’t think of ANYTHING more amazing and wonderful and marvelous than THAT!!

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And My ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so My ways are higher than your ways and My thoughts higher than your thoughts. The rain and snow come down from the heavens and stay on the ground to water the earth. They cause the grain to grow, producing seed for the farmer and bread for the hungry. It is the same with my word. I send it out, and it always produces fruit. It will accomplish all I want it to, and it will prosper everywhere I send it.” ~ Isaiah 55:8-11, NLT.