O earth, do not conceal my blood. Let it cry out on my behalf.” ~ Job 16:18, NLT.
Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is Abel your brother?” He said, “I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?” And the LORD said, “What have you done? The voice of your brother’s blood is crying to me from the ground.” ~ Genesis 4:9-10, ESV.
The Lord showed me something recently. I was doing my Bible reading, which at the moment is in the book of Job. I was reading Chapter 16, and I got to verse 18, and I was reminded of Genesis 4:9-10, both passages quoted above.
God showed me from Job 16:18 that Job was praying that the earth would not conceal the blood from his wounds because he was afraid God would forget about him if it did. That reminded me of Genesis 4:9-10, where God called out Cain for murdering Abel. God told Cain that his brother’s blood was crying out from the earth, and therefore he couldn’t hide what he’d done, and especially he couldn’t hide his crime from God.
Then God showed me using Job 16:18 that the reason I had already started picking holes in my cuticles as early as age two was because I was trying to get someone, anyone, to notice that something was wrong, terribly wrong with me. Harry had already begun abusing me, even at age two, and he had already threatened to kill me if I told anyone what he was doing to me, so I couldn’t say with words that he was hurting me. I had to devise a way to communicate that I was in peril without using words. What I came up with was to pick holes in my cuticles, at times to the point of causing infections.
Unfortunately, as hard as I picked, my efforts came to naught, because no one ever caught on. And while I know people didn’t think about things like child abuse and childhood sexual abuse back in the 50’s and 60’s, much less do anything about them, the fact that no one, not one single person, paid any attention to my attempts to make known my distress makes me very sad for the child that was me back then.