Tag Archives: bible

May6

If You’re Trusting Your Feelings Your Lighthouse Has Gone Dark

Posted on by
Standard
If You’re Trusting Your Feelings Your Lighthouse Has Gone Dark

I’m still struggling with the diarrhea that was the subject of my last post, Ecclesiastes Is Holding Sway In My Life Right Now. I thought it was getting better, but a few days ago I had a really bad episode that left me feeling very discouraged. I know, at least in my mind, that it’s not God who’s making me sick. I just don’t understand why it’s continuing on for such a long time when I’ve prayed in faith for God to heal me. I guess I need to continue to trust and believe no matter whether I see results or not.

That’s a hard thing to do, you know ~ keep believing even when I don’t see results, especially when healing from diarrhea is what I’m praying for, and it keeps happening over and over and over and over and… well, you get the picture. It seems like it will never end, and it gets harder and harder to believe God when diarrhea keeps pouring out my other end ~ and I do mean that literally (and if you’re wincing at the image that evokes, just think how I feel everytime it happens!).

A complicating factor in all this is that I’m in constant pain from the arthritis in my knees and hips. Ever since I had the arthroscopic surgery on my right knee last January I’ve been in constant, agonizing pain. After the surgery the doctor gave me a prescription for oxycodone. I took it one time, but it didn’t help much, and I knew then that I wouldn’t take it anymore. I’ve decided not to take any pain killers other than an anti-inflammatory drug and extra-strength Tylenol because I don’t want to mess with an addiction on top of what’s already going on in my life. I’ve found that the Tylenol and the anti-inflammatory work enough to keep the pain bearable so I can function if I’m consistent about taking them twice a day.

I’ve mentioned all of the above so that I can write about what I really want to talk about…

If I let myself be governed by feelings, which would be really easy to do what with the diarrhea that seems to be ruling my life at the moment, then I would become discouraged and full of despair, and give up ever believing that God will deliver me from this scourge.

But I don’t want to do that! I don’t want to let the light in my lighthouse go out, because Jesus is the light of my life. He is the light of my world, and if I give place to despair, my world will become full of darkness, and I don’t want that to happen. If I ever gave up on Jesus, that would be a disaster in my life. God never gave up on me, not one time, so I never want to give up on Him.

For You, O LORD, are my lamp; the LORD illumines and dispels my darkness. ~ 2 Samuel 22:29, Amplified Bible.

Your word is a lamp to walk by, and a light to illumine my path. ~ Psalm 119:105, NET.

I like the way the NET translates that verse, but I also like the way the NKJV and the ESV render it,

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. ~ Psalm 119:105, NKJV and ESV.

“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” ~ John 8:12, NKJV.

Over the years I’ve come to realize that feelings are notoriously unreliable, but Jesus, the lover of my soul, is ever faithful, and will never lie to me, will never break His promises to me, and as I quoted above, He said about Himself that He is “the light of the world.” ~ John 8:12 and 9:5. So it stands to reason that He can be my lighthouse and my port in whatever storm I’m going through.

On the other hand, if I start following my feelings, then the light in that lighthouse will go dark, so to speak, and when that happens it can’t be relied upon to lead me anywhere. And considering God has been leading and protecting me throughout my life whether I knew it or not, it behooves me to continue following His guidance now that I do know about it. He is faithful to perform His Word in my life. He always has been and He always will be.

8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. 9“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts. 10“For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater, 11So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it. ~ Isaiah 55:8-11, NKJV.

Something else I’ve come to understand is that God is much more interested in the growth and development of my character than He is in my happiness. Happiness is temporal and fleeting, and is based on what’s happening in the moment, but my character development is a part the process of sanctification and becoming more and more like Jesus, which I very much desire. So while sanctification is sometimes painful and uncomfortable, I’ll take that any day over being happy, as long as I know God is in it.

I was reminded of the verse in 2 Corinthians that says,

For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory. ~ 2 Corinthians 4:17, Christian Standard Bible.

It feels like diarrhea is so much more than a light and momentary affliction, especially since it’s been going on for such a long time (I know in God’s eyes two months is less than the snap of a finger or the blink of an eye, but to me it feels like an eternity). But when I think of what it’s like in Heaven, diarrhea truly is nothing by comparison, regardless of how long it lasts.

I mean, Heaven has streets paved in gold that’s so pure it’s transparent like glass, and colors beyond anything we’ve ever imagined here on earth ~ and that’s just for starters. Jesus will be there in the flesh and I’ll get to meet Him face to face, and know Him as He knows me now. I can’t think of any better reality than knowing Jesus face to face. There can be nothing better than that!

And if we think we know what beauty is here on earth, we don’t have a clue. Heaven is sublimely beautiful far beyond anything human beings can comprehend. The best description can be found in the Book of Revelation. It’s a long passage, but as you read it just envision in your mind’s eye the amazing, unimaginable beauty that the passage is describing,

12The city wall was broad and high, with twelve gates guarded by twelve angels. And the names of the twelve tribes of Israel were written on the gates. … 14The wall of the city had twelve foundation stones, and on them were written the names of the twelve apostles of the Lamb. 15The angel who talked to me held in his hand a gold measuring stick to measure the city, its gates, and its wall. 16When he measured it, he found it was a square, as wide as it was long. In fact, its length and width and height were each 1,400 miles. 17Then he measured the walls and found them to be 216 feet thick… 18The wall was made of jasper, and the city was pure gold, as clear as glass. 19The wall of the city was built on foundation stones inlaid with twelve precious stones: the first was jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, 20the fifth onyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst. 21The twelve gates were made of pearls—each gate from a single pearl! And the main street was pure gold, as clear as glass. … 23And the city has no need of sun or moon, for the glory of God illuminates the city, and the Lamb is its light. ~ Revelation 21: 12, 14 – 21, and 23, NLT.

So regardless of how bad things seem now, the present is nothing compared to what’s coming in Heaven,

7But we speak the wisdom of God in a mystery, the hidden wisdom which God ordained before the ages for our glory, 8which none of the rulers of this age knew; for had they known, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him. ~ [Isaiah 64:4], 1 Corinthians 2:7-9, NKJV.

I can’t wait!!

Jan13

God Knows I’m Suffering?

Posted on by
Standard

8Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. 10And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. ~ 1 Peter 5:8-10, ESV.

Over the summer my right knee started acting up, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. After my friend came to stay with me in the middle of October, my knee was still causing a small amount of pain, but I could still walk on it, and it was barely noticeable. On the ten-point pain scale the doctor gives you it would have been about a two or a three.

In the last month or so the pain in my knee has exploded. It’s now at a twelve or even a fifteen on a scale of one to ten, and I can’t walk on it or put any weight on it. My friend, Linda (name changed to protect her privacy) is having to wait on me hand and foot, something I hate. I’m far too independent to want anyone waiting on me like that, but I can’t do anything for myself because I have to use crutches to get around.

Linda is cooking for me and bringing me my medications when I need them. She’s also making sure the cats get fed, and keeping the kitchen cleaned up, something I didn’t do much of when I was alone. I let my housekeeper take care of that, and she comes once every two weeks. Linda is also driving me to doctor’s appointments and to church.

Linda being with me during this time has been a true life-saver, and I’m extremely grateful to her and to God. I simply could not have survived on my own. I would have ended up in some kind of facility, which would have been exponentially worse.

On another note, the doctor did x-rays two weeks ago today, but they revealed nothing. So an MRI was done a week ago last Monday, and I’m waiting for the results on that as I’m writing this.

All of the above was written in November and December, and it is now one week into the New Year. I’m still on crutches, and still in pain, and tomorrow (Monday, January 8th) I will finally get the results for the MRI that was done about three weeks ago. I don’t know what it will show, but I certainly hope it shows something to explain all this pain in my right knee.

It turns out that the pain is caused by a tear in the lateral meniscus, and the doctor says the way to fix it is an arthroscopic procedure, which they will do on January 25th. So between now and then there will be a flurry of activity: doctor’s appointments to clear me for the procedure, lab tests and ekgs, and a doctor’s appointment with the surgeon to explain the operation and answer my questions.

I guess the reason I’m talking about my knee and all the pain it’s causing me is because in all that’s gone on God has never abandoned me. He’s always been faithfully with me, and been there to help me. Everytime I go up or down the stairs leading to my apartment I pray for His help, because I have to use crutches, and I always have this feeling that I’m going to lose my balance. He’s always there to help me and keep me from falling.

God is SOOO GOOD!!

I can hear people saying, “If God was really there with you, He would have kept this from happening in the first place!”

The Christian life doesn’t work that way. God never promised us a rose garden, but He did promise to walk with us through every circumstance regardless of the difficulty of the situation. Plus, in this fallen world, the human body wears out over time (I’m 70 years old), and that’s what’s happening to me, though I firmly believe that God can heal me.

1But now, thus says the LORD, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; you are Mine. 2When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you.” ~ Isaiah 43:1-2, NKJV.

The story of my life will bear witness to the truth of that passage. And if you read the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Book of Daniel (see Daniel 3), you’ll find that God walked with them when they were thrown into the fiery furnace, and kept them safe and unharmed because they were faithful to stand for Him regardless of what it meant for them.

15I will give you one more chance to bow down and worship the statue I have made when you hear the sound of the musical instruments. But if you refuse, you will be thrown immediately into the blazing furnace. And then what god will be able to rescue you from my power?” 16Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. 17If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty. 18But even if he doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” ~ Daniel 3:15-18, NLT.

24Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished; and he rose in haste and spoke, saying to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” 25“Look!” he answered, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.” ~ Daniel 3:24-25, NKJV.

So the upshot of it all is that, yes, God knows I’m suffering. He knows and He cares. He’s walking with me through it, and helping me every step of the way. He keeps me upright when I’m walking on crutches, and He’s as close as my next breath. He helps me fall asleep at night, especially when my cats are running around fighting with each other and doing zoomies up and down the stairs. As well, He helps me sleep when the pain in my knee is unremitting and so bad that I can’t find a comfortable position, but when I wake up the next morning it’s gotten better.

I feel immense gratitude to God for His presence with me as I walk through this time in my life. I couldn’t do it without Him! And of course, as ever, I’m so grateful for the Cross of Christ. I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for that!

THANK YOU, JESUS!!